What does caring for a parent or other elderly person really cost the caregiver in terms of financial, social, and mental strain?
The statistics are staggering; more and more Americans are being thrust into the role of caregiver for their aging parents, or other aging relatives, friends, or neighbors. It’s easy to think this is a lower-cost alternative to nursing and assisted living facilities, as those costs are exorbitant. But all told, the costs to a family member in financial, social, emotional and mental strain can be huge.
The Financial Costs of Caregiving
The financial cost of caregiving is so hard to quantify, because there are so many factors. Do you live with the person you care for? Are you paying out of pocket for health care visits or co-pays? Are you paying for prescriptions or co-pays? Are you buying food, clothing, and other necessities for them? If you’re not living with them, how far are you commuting? What are you paying for gas?
One thing is for sure, few caregivers really know what they’re getting into, financially and otherwise. According to a survey of caregivers conducted by AARP, about one-third of caregivers report more than one work-related strain, like needing to change their schedule or take leave, which leads to an average annual outlay of $10,525. Amy Goyer, AARP’s Family and Caregiving expert, says those who quit their jobs caregiving becomes too time consuming for an outside job, risk losing about $300,000 on average in lifetime benefits and wages.
One of the most frustrating parts of senior caregiving is not being able to predict how someone’s last years will play out, or for how long. And for those who are self-employed, like my sister, there is no paid vacation, sick, or personal time to request off. If my parents needed her, she would have to cancel her clients. If there was an emergency, she might have to cancel clients at the last minute. She also had to limit the hours she could make available to her clients to care for my parents on a regular basis. What were her total financial losses? I can’t even venture to guess.
The Credit for Caring Act could help caregivers with at least some of the financial losses. Congress is considering a bill that could offer caregivers up to a $5,000 a year federal tax credit for caregiving expenses, And why should the government be willing to help? Because these family members are filling a critical need in our healthcare system. A 2023 article from the AARP Public Policy Institute says that family caregivers:
fill an essential role in our fractured long-term services and supports (LTSS) system. In 2021, the estimated economic value of family caregivers’ unpaid contributions was approximately $600 billion, based on about 38 million caregivers providing an average of 18 hours of care per week for a total of 36 billion hours of care, at an average value of $16.59 per hour. This conservative estimate does not consider the financial cost of care (out-of-pocket and lost wages) or account for the complexity of care provided (i.e., medical/nursing tasks). This $600 billion estimate for 2021 is up from $470 billion in 2017 and continues a 25-year trend of increasing economic value. It also corresponds to studies that have found that the value of unpaid family care vastly exceeds the value of paid home care.
Of course, the federal government isn’t just doing this out of the kindness of their heart. A recent AARP analysis showed that the US GDP could grow by about five and a half percent by 2030 if caregivers 50 and older received more workplace support. This growth will only continue to grow as the boomers age and flood the country with the need for elder care.
What about the other costs? The cost to your family relationships, your sanity?
There is cost incurred when you have to miss out on your kid’s activities because you’re caring for your senior. Or when you have to decide between them – whose needs are more immediate? There can be a loss of connection with child because you don’t get to spend the time you used to with them. Your child may feel neglected or resentful of the senior coming between you.
Your marriage or romantic partnerships may suffer. You may feel unsupported or misunderstood. Your partner may accuse you of not being who you used to be - or that you're always too too tired or stressed to be any fun or intimate. Just like your kids, your partner may feel neglected or resentful of your senior. There may be an uptick in fights over caregiving responsibilities interfering with family life.
Don't even get me started with sibling relationships although if you've been following. the blog, you know it's too late. I've already gotten started. You may feel resentful that they don’t help more; they may feel criticized by you if they try to offer advice. In worst case scenarios, estrangements may form over disagreements related to senior’s care.
Please let's not forget what all this does to your mental health. Spending lots of time with people who ask repetitive questions, get combative, rely on you for just about everything, including a lot of gross stuff will get to anyone. Caregivers can suffer from depression, feelings of isolation, resentment, anger, mental fatigue. Caring for others can feel like you’re losing your own identity. You may feel like you can't socialize like a normal person because you don't have anything to talk about except for horrible stories about toenail fungus that no one wants to hear. You may feel guilty that your partner and kids are suffering because some days, you simply have nothing left to give.
Honestly, the Credit for Caregivers bill is great, and I sure hope it passes, but it’s really only a drop in the bucket when it comes to compensating a caregiver for all they do, and all they sacrifice. And yes, of course, you do it with love and/or a sense of duty, but it’s time to figure out ways to take care of you, the caregiver. Check back here on the blog as we tackle how to manage if not minimize some of these other costs of caregiving. We’re here for you, we’ve BEEN you, and we want to help.
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