It's Not Just You
Holidays are supposed to be jolly and full of joy, spending time with loved ones. That is, unless you are a parent, running yourself ragged trying to bring said joy to the wee ones. Also if you’re the adult child of an aging parent, just trying to keep the whole affair from turning into a fight, or a trip to the ER, or any one of a million scenarios that might play out when a challenging senior situation is involved. When my parents were still with us it felt like there was always some snafu around the holidays- mom throwing up in the car ride home after a heavy meal, dad falling, miscommunication, hurt feelings, and a hearty dose of passive aggression thrown in for good measure.
This year I was lucky to spend Thanksgiving with close friends. My friend’s mother has dementia and her dad isn’t in perfect health. She spent plenty of time on the phone with her sister navigating her mom’s vomiting and listlessness on Turkey day. Her mom threw up in her dad’s face. Two days later her dad was in the ER with COVID. When the ER nurse suggested having her mom tested, they assured her that she was most likely Patient Zero, vomiting COVID right at him.
It got me thinking…..is it just me or is there really something about the holidays and older adults in frail health?
Reader, it’s not just me. ER visits for seniors increase by 10-20% during the holiday season.
And it makes perfect sense. Daytime routines are disrupted. Sleep routines are disrupted. There is travel. There is snow and ice. There is booze. There is heavy food at weird times. There are a lot of people around and lots of conversations to keep track of.
It’s also true that more people die in the week between Christmas and New Years. The reasons are unknown but there is a lot of speculation about the cause. Some people think terminally ill folks wait to pass until the holidays are over. Some people think it is because hospitals and medical facilities aren’t well staffed over the holidays. Some people think it’s because of the cold weather and some feel it’s because of holiday stress. But no one really knows.
If you are planning on spending time with seniors this holiday season, here are some
things to consider when planning events:
Try to plan meals around the times they normally eat. This doesn’t necessarily mean you all need to eat at that time, but just like you bring the food out for the little kids a little earlier than you do for everyone else, you can consider doing the same for the older folks as they can get hangry or have too many cocktails while waiting for dinner. If you’re worried that singling them out might start a war, just offer snacks before dinner or consider plating dinner for everyone yourself, to manage the portion sizes for your elders so they don’t overdo it and make themselves sick.
Short pour, or water down alcoholic drinks. Booze is not your senior’s friend, even if they still consider themselves old pals. Don’t offer to freshen their drink, and if ignoring them doesn’t work, give them as little as possible, as infrequently as possible. Spritzers and mixers are great for minimizing straight alcohol.
Set aside a quiet area. Needing a rest during a long visit can be very helpful for the elderly, especially those with dementia. Try to have a quiet place where they can take a breather, close to the action but not in the middle of it. A quick catnap will go a long way in keeping them alert and steady later on.
Remind everyone to wash their hands. When you visit a new baby, you always wash your hands before holding them because you know their immune systems are delicate. The same principle applies to the elderly. Their immune systems are often weaker so make sure your hands are clean before shaking yours, and make sure anyone with any illness blows kisses from afar and keeps their germs away from Nana.
Assign someone to be a helping hand. It’s hard to keep an eye on a wily senior if you’re hosting a bunch of people. So task someone else with keeping an eye on the elders! Give one or more people the job of looking out for someone who might need a hand getting up from a chair, going to the bathroom, walking up or down the stairs. Anything you can do to minimize their fall risk is a good thing at family gatherings.
The holidays add another layer of difficulty when you’re caring for seniors, but take heart, you’re not imagining it, and there are some things you can do to avoid some of the common pitfalls. Expect a shit show and be pleasantly surprised if you don’t get one. This struggle will pass, and another one will take its place.
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