For better or for worse, humor is my reflexive coping tool. A lot has been written about the relationship between comedy and emotional pain. As a teen I remember being fascinated by comedians and their struggles with addiction: John Belushi, Chris Farley, Robin Williams. I was in awe that people who had struggled so much could be so hilarious and seemingly happy.
I was first introduced to the term “gallows humor” as a young nurse working in the Intensive Care Units of a Washington DC hospital in the late 90s. Medical training is evolving to hopefully include teaching ways to cope with witnessing the suffering of another, but when I was in school there was not much of this. Working overnights trying to help people stay alive, I familiarized myself with humor as a coping mechanism. There is just so much sadness and suffering and to be able to laugh at some of the absurdities in a time of great stress brings much needed relief. I didn’t come up with this strategy on my own, of course, I learned it informally from my mentors.
Mark Twain wisely noted that “Humor is tragedy plus time”. There is a lot of research on the theories of humor and my favorite is the relief theory. Relief theory hypothesizes that we laugh to ease anxiety. We make inappropriate jokes because their content is actually deeply traumatic, so we seek to relieve our fear of it.
Careers that require immersion in stressful situations are bursting with dark humor. Hospital staff, paramedics, social workers, police officers, soldiers and firefighters are just some of the people who have repeated exposure to trauma, crisis and death. Laughter releases endorphins, the feel good hormones, and it stands to reason that this endorphin release works to balance out the weights that hang on the hearts of those who witness crisis and suffering regularly. It seems only natural to me that people exposed to chronic stress have found brief, quick ways to release that tension, much like a pressure release valve. True processing of emotions takes time and oftentimes professional guidance but a quick laugh can help release some tension to make room for the next looming challenge.
It must be noted that people who work in these professions know that this humor is seen as inappropriate to someone outside of this type of work. Get a bunch of nurses and doctors together talking shop, however, and watch ‘em let loose! There is a camaraderie between people who have “been through it,” so to speak. There is an unspoken understanding that yes, this stuff is terrible and should not be joked about and also sometimes you just can’t help it. If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Gallows humor is the armor we put on to defend against tragedy.
Though people caring for seniors may not be experiencing trauma as we traditionally think of it, many would argue that some are likely suffering from some degree of “little t trauma”. Little "t" trauma refers to events that don’t typically involve violence or disaster but they do cause a significant amount of emotional distress. The financial worries, difficult relationships and chronic worry about a loved one’s health builds up over time and can lead to impaired emotional functioning. And there needs to be some sort of release of that pressure valve. For some people, it’s gallows humor.
If this humor turns you off, no problem. It’s not for everyone. If you find yourself judging someone who does find this funny, however, remember that not everyone handles stress, grief, or trauma in the same way. And if you have never found yourself in the trenches of something so emotionally painful that it felt like humor was your only defense then maybe recognize how lucky you are. For me personally, laughter can be at least as cathartic, if no more so, than a good cry.
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