Aging in Place

My dad passed away a little over a month ago, after less than two months in a nursing home, and part of my grieving has to do with regrets.

My parents wish (like so many older people) was to stay in their home. “We’ll die in this house,” my mom liked to say, and she meant it as a badge of honor. It became our (their children’s) challenge to help them fulfill this wish, and quite honestly, we failed. But also my parents failed to prepare to make their dream a reality, too. If your parents want to stay in their home (and they probably do), or if you are terrified of the cost of nursing care or assisted living (which you probably should be), learn from my mistakes, and get a handle on just how realistic or not it will be. Here are some of the things to consider; we’ll cover each one in more depth in separate blog posts and podcasts.

Start planning early

Old age is coming for us all, so you may as well be prepared! The whole idea of “aging in place” is something I really started to learn about when it was already too late for my parents. My father was already having serious problems with mobility, and my mother was already exhibiting signs of dementia. It would have been great if we had thought about all of this around the time they retired.

Show me the money

What do your parents have saved or invested? Do they have long-term care insurance? It can be a hard conversation to have, but knowing what you’re working with will play a big part in whether or not aging in place will work for them. There are a lot of ideas out there to help you with this; choose ways that seem to align with your parent’s communication style (or lack thereof).

Choosing a housing plan that works for you (and you can afford)

Are your parents currently in a one-story home or will they need to create more visitability? Will you put an addition on, or renovate part of your home to make a living space for them? Will you build them an ADU on your property? Will you all just live as one, big happy family in one of your current residences?

Finding outside support

Depending on your parents’ physical fitness, they might need full or part-time caregivers. Costs of this in-home care can be pricey, so it may end of being you and/or siblings who takes on this role. Knowing whether or not you can emotionally handle this will require a lot of soul searching. This undertaking is not easy; it’s best to really think about it before diving in. Are there other resources available in your parents’ area? Is there a “village” organization, adult daycare, or senior center? These can be in addition or instead of in-home care and can often be low- or no-cost alternatives.

If your parents are telling you you’re going to have to pry their cold, dead hands off their front door to get them out of their home, know that the time to start looking into the logistics of this is right now. It can be tricky, but it can be done with forethought and planning.